Max Demaine, editor of The Shallot, recently garnered national attention after winning the much-coveted Pulitzer Prize for his acclaimed investigative journalism. The prestigious award is rarely bestowed upon such a small publication, but support for Demaine was so overwhelming that the Pulitzer Committee went further, making Demaine the sole recipient for 2025. According to spokesperson Jorna Litzer, “No other journalist deserves to be in the same room with Demaine this year, so clearly having additional recipients would be an impossibility.”
“In fact,” Litzer added, “the Committee is presently debating whether the Pulitzer should be shelved altogether after Demaine’s win, given that the pinnacle of journalism has clearly been reached. We have a lot of soul searching to do.”
But amazingly, it seems not everyone has gotten the message. A small secondary school in Demaine’s hometown raised eyebrows this past Wednesday when it failed to recognize The Shallot with a 2025 journalism award.
Reached for comment, Demaine said he was not surprised at the intense blowback the high school has been receiving. “Look,” he stated, “The Shallot is doing the best reporting out there right now, and everyone knows it. So if you’re giving out awards this year, you better make sure one of them goes to a recipient that rhymes with shmallet, or you’re going to look foolish.”
The high school, which asked not to be named for fear of reprisals, said it was profoundly embarrassed and deeply sorry.
“Obviously this was a fumble,” said a school representative who wished to remain anonymous. “Sometimes you just drop the ball on these things. We’re all just going to need to learn to live with the shame.”
“Certainly no one is trying to take anything away from what The Shallot has accomplished this year,” the representative added. “We reached out to The Shallot to apologize, obviously. But so far Demaine’s only reply has been to send us 300 pictures of his Pulitzer, each one photoshopped in a unique way that I can’t really describe in polite company.”
The Pulitzer Committee, which usually does not comment on the decisions of other awards committees, made a rare exception in this case.
“In all seriousness, what kind of amateur hour is it over there at that high school?” stated Litzer. “What a clown show. Demaine is journalism right now. By comparison, everything else is just De-lame.”
