As the United States’ debt goes higher and higher, the Trump Administration looks for new ways to save money. As we test nuclear missiles, a new form of nuclear energy has been peeled back in the process: bananas.
“I’m hearing really great things about bananas, really great things. These people, very smart people, are telling me that they are the next great weapon. Almost as useful as those electric catapults on aircraft carriers,” stated Donald Trump in a press conference on the matter.
The Shallot asked about where the Trump administration planned to get all these bananas, and how many will be needed? Donald Trump responded, “Now see, all these terrorists hold the banana supply, and quite frankly, we need to get their banana supply and all these bananas are in Venezuela and Mexico.” The Shallot asked again how many bananas would be needed.
“Bananas are just a beautiful thing. I mean we put 2,000 bananas in a bomb and we explode it. It would be the greatest smallest but huge explosion the world has seen.” The lead nuclear engineer for the program has named the program bio-atomic-accelerated nutrient accelerator, which has been dubbed B.A.N.A.N.A. The bomb shape in question will be the crescent shape for its aerodynamics and will have an outer protective shell so the easily breakable inside won’t be damaged before impact.
We’ve asked the President and the Department of Energy’s Office of Nuclear Energy if this technology can be harnessed for clean energy instead of dirty oil. However, The Shallot hasn’t received a comment on this matter by press time.
The Nuclear Energy Department has begun to work with the FDA to urge the public to stop eating bananas. RFK Jr. spoke on the issue in a press conference in the state-of-the-art MPR room. He stated, “These bananas contain too much radiation for anyone to consume now; the concentration is minimal, but eating enough of these things will make you puke and maybe give you a bad stomach ache.”
Trump had one last matter to speak about. “The matter of a banana bomb is dumb and pointless,” he said. “And I know what I’m talking about.” The peeling back of the project may be a slippery slope.
